It is oftentimes heard that relationships are hard. People often mistake what an ideal relationship is or what it should be. It is commonly said that a good or perfect relationship is one where you understand each other and communicate. While this message is a strong one and lays a good foundation for any relationship. It is often misinterpreted into things such as there should be no fights.
All couples, especially the strong ones, have gone through severe fights. The fight may be small or big, what is important is to move past it. Fighting may as well be seen as a sign of growth. It shows that while being a unit, both involved people have individual identities as well. Which is essential for any relationship.
What really decides whether a fight is a step forward or the moment you step away from each other, is its resolution. Sweeping the fight under the rug and acting like it never happened is not a solution. It is being ignorant towards acknowledging the feelings and thoughts of your partner.
If you are here to figure out a way to apologise and learn from this fight, then congratulations. You really care for this relationship and your partner. So, another thing you need to keep in mind is that resolution is a very delicate step. You need to handle it well for smoother sailing.
Here are 10 things that you can do after a fight, to make up with your girlfriend.
Phase I: Break the tension.
1. Let Her Hit the Play Button
Take a little break from each other (only a few hours). During that time let her collect her thoughts, and possibly calm down. You should do the same. Collect your thoughts and think about what you want to say to her after she starts talking to you.
Also, take her lead. If she decides that she wishes to laugh about it, great, you can have an easier conversation. If she does not wish to laugh about it, so be it, follow her lead. Make her feel comfortable.
Even if you wish to be the one to take the lead in resolving the argument. Take a little break and gather your thoughts. Try writing about how you feel, this way you can also end up writing an apology letter to give to her later. She will be able to read and be reaffirmed, maybe keep it close to her and re-read later on.
2. Make Her Laugh
After the fight, a gloomy atmosphere is bound to have set in. She is mad at you for various reasons. These reasons can be pertaining to the fight or they can be the rude thoughtless things that you might have said during the fight.
Irrespective of the reasons, try breaking the gloomy atmosphere. You can do or say something that you know she will find funny. It can either be something that annoys her in a cute/funny manner (only try this if you’re 100 percent sure) or it can be something that she will definitely laugh at.
Laughter is a powerful tool because of the neuropeptides that it releases.
After making her laugh, she might try to maintain her anger and be broody. Be subtle and slip into a light-hearted conversation with her. Talk about topics that are far from the topics of the fight.
3. It’s TV Time
Turn on the TV. Start her favourite show or movie. Turn the volume up high, high enough for her to hear, don’t disturb your neighbours, please. You may even go to her and ask if she wishes to watch the next episode of the series you have been watching together. Also, try getting some snacks that she might enjoy.
Just put on something she will like, irrespective of whether or not you like it. She’s bound to come out to watch it. While sitting together, just make her feel comfortable. Do not push yourself on her, let her snuggle into you. If you she doesn’t want to, respect that. It’s ok, you can hug her later.
Let her mood lighten up before you start resolving the fight.
Also read: Top 10 Gifts you can give your Girlfriend
Phase II: Sort it Out, Talk the Talk.
After your breaking the tension and her calming down, you might think that all is good again. No, it is not. Don’t just let the fight slide. It is important for you to talk about it. There is a reason that the fight cropped up in the first place, it might rear its ugly head out again.
So, start by treading onto the topic lightly. If she says that she doesn’t wish to talk about it. Let her have some more space and try again at a later time.
4. Hear Her Out
If they want to talk about it, that is a good sign. It means she is willing to move forward with you. Now, let her vent, it will make her feel better, and while she does that listen to her. Listening will make you actually understand what she is feeling, and your caring approach might even get you some cookie points.
While she vents to you and points out things about your reaction that ticked her off. Do not, whatever may happen, justify your reactions or actions. Let her talk and finish her side, but be sure to keep giving some form of response. Don’t make her feel like she’s talking to a wall.
5. Apologise and make it fast.
While any one of you may have begun the argument, it takes two to make it persist. So, apologise by owning up to your mistakes in the fight. Ensure her that you are going to reflect on them.
It is advised to make your points as concise as possible. Don’t leave space for misinterpretation. This is to make sure that the situation doesn’t worsen. The sooner you’re out of the woods, the better.
6. Own Up to Your Mistakes
What you say while apologizing is very important. The first thing to do is to admit to your mistakes. Tell her that had you been calmer, you could have and should have handled the situation better. While admitting your mistakes, don’t mansplain, this might put you in an insensitive light further aggravating the situation.
Owning up to your part of mistakes is an essential step. This way she is re-affirmed that she wasn’t screaming for no reason and isn’t to be blamed completely for killing the peace of the relationship.
If the initiation of the fight was not your fault, then simply apologise for perpetuating the fight and reacting the way you did. Do not point it out to her that she was the one to initiate the fight, that statement might end up initiating another fight.
At the end of it, remind your partner that despite everything that has gone down. You are still their partner and that you love them. Remind them that you are willing to move past this fight and learn from it and grow, together.
Phase III: Close the deal, it’s behind you.
While the reconciliation round is over. You need to go the extra mile, to make things as smooth as possible. A better relationship requires more effort.
If you feel that you both are done talking and this is heading towards the end on a positive note. Try going in for a hug. Hugging her will remind her of the warmth she feels in this relationship. It might even make her feel protected, safe and loved, which is exactly how you want her to feel with you.
You might even want to crack a lame joke or say something funny to help her loosen up a bit more.
8. You Love Her, Remind Her
You may or may not be the emotional one in the relationship. Either way, this is an important time to remind her that you love her. After being furious at you she might forget how much you really love her. Get her a small card, or maybe a note. Try doing any small gesture, it is the thought that counts.
Do that thing she has been wanting you to do. The thing that you are reluctant about and have been putting off. By doing that thing you let her know that you may not like it, but you care enough about her to do it.
9. Gifting it to her
Everyone loves gifts. Especially small, cute, thoughtful ones. You might want to try to get her a bouquet of her favourite flowers along with a card. Chocolates could be a good add-on. Try to put as much thought into your gift, as you can.
Gift her that thing that she wanted. It can be something small that she just mentioned in a passing conversation, that is sure to make her heart melt. Anything that will get her the understanding that you have been listening to her. It truly is the smallest gesture that counts and makes the change.
10. Makeup Sex
Try engaging in a round or two. Your process should be one that makes her feel comfortable. Make-up sex is a good way to exert any and all pent-up frustrations, but you should not, ever, force it on her. All that physical exertion is bound to release all that tension that the both of you have been holding in.
Do not, whatever you do, skip the cuddling part. Skipping it will make you seem selfish, and she will not appreciate that.
Engaging in make-up sex too often is not recommended. The aggression and the subsequent sex might end up acting like an aphrodisiac. This might end up creating a perpetual loop of fighting and sex. One day, there will be a last fight without the sex.
It is your relationship. Try whatever you can to save it if you truly love it. Fights are normal, try to learn from them and grow stronger together.